Why You Need To Ask If We’re Okay

In this group, I get to work pretty closely with women who have lots of different stories. You’ve heard a few on our podcast. They’re all heartbreaking in their own ways. Listening to one such story and hearing about this mom’s struggle during a particular month made me think. When you’re infertile, you don’t have a month.

Women that miscarry or lose a child have a day or a month or a particularly hard time on the calendar. In infertility, we don’t really have a day. There might be an extra hard day that we heard something disappointing from a doctor but that day isn’t calendar worthy. There are new developments but we don’t always remember that date specifically years down the road.

Infertility is a journey. When you’ve been on the journey for a while, it’s easy to begin to feel like a burden to your friends and family. It’s easy to feel like we can’t ask for help or support because we’ve been needing it for years. So we need you to ask us if we’re okay. Not just on Mother’s Day, not just in December. Ask us on a Tuesday. Ask us every single holiday. If you hang out with us enough to know our menstrual cycle, ask us when you know we start. Maybe even send a coffee when another family pregnancy announcement hits social media. When you remember and you ask, it’s hard to describe the relief we feel that someone remembered and someone cares. When you ask without having to bring it up ourselves, you’re gonna get a more unfiltered answer, the real answer. It might be long and breathy so be prepared for that. It might be short and teary so be prepared for that too. But it will mean the world to us that you asked and we will remember that you did.

Casey Watkins has been married for eight years to her IT handyman. Together, they live in an old house on the east side of Indianapolis with their cat, Charlie. In their seven years of infertility, they’ve renovated their house, visited Iceland and baked a lot of cake. You can read more about Casey over on her blog, Chasing Cozy.

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