I was talking to another member of our Yet We Thrive team who is also a dear friend and fellow infertility warrior. She is so good at speaking the truth in love and usually says just what I needed to hear. She was the one that reminded me of something very important.
It sounded obvious at first but the more I thought about it, the deeper it became. It is so easy to get lost in doctors appointments, pregnancy test, cycle tracking and then all the feelings that come with disappointment. After a long time, it does kinda feel like the lack of children or loss of children becomes your identity. Except there is life to be found outside grief!
Now if you are not in a place to hear this then stop here. Know that there is life and hope beyond an empty nursery. Feel what you need to feel. Grieve how you need to grieve. It’s okay. We’re here for you.
Okay, now I’m not talking about a Plan B. Plan B is a well-this-is-an-okay-plan-because-my-plan-A-didn’t-pan-out kind of plan. I’m talking about a Plan Live! As much as we may want children, not having them offers other choices. We can choose to live in a van and travel the country together because there would be no room for a car seat. We can choose to work a demanding job that we love because there isn’t a little one waiting at home. We can choose to go to a late movie because there are no bedtimes to adhere to. We can live lives that are just as fulfilling without children as with them. We can feel the pain on the off days and bloom the rest of them.
So, this week, make it a priority to sit down with your spouse and talk about this! Think about what Plan Live might look like for the two of you and put some pen to paper to make it a reality. Honor your dreams and disappointments and pursue a life of thriving together.
Casey Watkins has been married for eight years to her IT handyman. Together, they live in an old house on the east side of Indianapolis with their cat, Charlie. In their seven years of infertility, they’ve renovated their house, visited Iceland and baked a lot of cake. You can read more about Casey over on her blog, Chasing Cozy.