This week on the podcast, we talked about changing course in your fertility journey. Whether you’re navigating loss after loss or just trying to get that positive pregnancy test, it’s so scary to start down a different path. But no matter where you sit right now, there are a few things you will learn along the road and one thing that you have to hold tight to.
I am an intentional person. I thrive on making lists and planning ahead and setting goals. When there’s a birthday coming up, I know what gift I’m buying and what cake I’m making two months ahead of time. When the leaves start to turn fall colors, I’m already making Christmas lists and budgeting out presents. (My love language is gifts if you didn’t catch that. ;)) I have piles of planners and schedules for cleaning and space on my computer full of past weekly menus. I am an intentional person. And then I got married and I learned…
I’ll never forget that first pregnancy announcement. I was two years of waiting deep. Two years of negative pregnancy tests. Two years of wondering every month if this was finally it… and then being disappointed. The fear was real and raw and lonely. I shared my thoughts and struggles with her. We dreamed about being pregnant together. And then my husband and I were invited to a big lunch gathering where she announced her pregnancy to everyone. And I felt like she had punched me in the gut.
In the past few weeks, I can feel myself rising from one of those funks. You know the kind I mean. The ones where you’re rhythm is doing the next thing. Where the everyday mundane is all that there is. You don’t really lift your head above the laundry and dishes because what is there to be excited about? I don’t know about you, but I usually end up feeling guilty when I’m down in one of my funks. Guilty that I’m not keeping up the house like I should be and I’m not being creative enough with the kids I nanny and I’m not pursuing my husband like I want to. It’s not a fun place to be.