I’ve always been slow to the self care game. I’m an enneagram two so when I’m not being productive making money, I’m often doing something to make someone else happy. Well, it started with a budgeting change that gave me a little more spending money monthly. Then there was my 30th birthday coming up and we were going on a trip for the occasion. So I went with my friend to get my nails done. And I was so happy with my long lasting mani that we’ve made it a monthly thing.
I had just come home after cleaning a client’s house and I had a little over an hour before I needed to leave for another one. There were dishes in the sink from breakfast. There was cat hair on the rug. There was a pile of clean laundry in the bedroom. There were organizing projects I’d been putting off. And yet my head hurt and the best thing I could possibly do was sit down.
I was talking to my husband the other week about our fertility journey and I asked him if there was something he remembered that let him know I was healing. He’s a pretty sensitive guy so I figured I’d at least ask right? He didn’t remember anything but looking back, I didn’t really have a moment either. Blooming after grief was a slow process.
Get up, make breakfast, watch a TV show, make lunch, watch a movie, play video games, make dinner, clean up dinner, watch a movie, go to bed. For years, this was my daily cycle. Daily I spent as much time as possible losing myself in someone else’s story because I didn’t like my own. I cleaned the house only when we were expecting company. I didn’t exercise and ate a lot of ice cream and gained weight. I did enough work to hide my depression and make it look like I was okay… except I wasn’t fooling myself or my husband. Until the year that the kitten happened.