At this time of year, I love hearing about holiday traditions in other countries! Like how on Christmas Eve, they eat KFC for dinner in Japan and they go to bed with a book and a candle in Iceland. Christmas Day in New Zealand is celebrated with a big family barbecue (because it’s summertime there) and in Poland, an extra space is set at the table in case someone shows up uninvited. These traditions, full of stories and songs, makes me want to belong.
I was thinking how in my own life, and I think commonly living in America, my holiday traditions have to do with children. Baking Christmas cookies, gathering around the Advent candles, tearing through presents on Christmas morning and especially Raffi’s Christmas Album, they’re all fond memories of my childhood. I thought I would carry these traditions on to my own children. So when that didn’t happen, it’s left me floundering during the holidays. We left off the Christmas cookies because icing and sprinkles is more fun with kids. We gave up the Advent candles because singing the carols and reading the devotions wasn’t the same with just two. Christmas morning is quiet and Raffi makes me sob. When you’ve had to separate yourself from so many of the traditions you loved because life hasn’t gone the way you expected, it takes quite a bit of time to figure out what you want to keep and maybe what new traditions you want to make.
So what traditions have we kept? At some point in the month of December, we go buy the big peppermint mocha from Starbucks and drive around to look at lights. We always have a date night at home with a great big cheese plate and fun cocktails. We watch lots of nostalgic Christmas movies throughout the season and on Christmas Eve, we always watch It’s A Wonderful Life. Christmas morning holds a fun breakfast (ever changing menu) and we still fill stockings for each other to open. Each of these hold a special place in my heart and I get excited for them every year!
What traditions have I added? I’m still working on it! A couple years ago, I made chocolate covered candied orange peels and it’s the thing Carl always asks for around the holidays so I definitely make that. I bought a new Advent book that speaks to my soul each year. Last year, I made a giant orange garland that I wrapped around our tree and I loved it so much that I’m keeping it and on Christmas Eve, I took the time to stop by the local coffee shop for a latte. On Christmas morning, I made a delicious red wine sangria and going from peppermint coffee to cinnamon sangria just felt right as the day slowly progressed. It’s given me hope that the holiday season can be filled with traditions I love, I just have to find them!
Traditions give us a sense of belonging and when you can’t fall easily into what you’ve always known, there’s a different kind of grief that comes with that. We underestimate the work it takes to create a holiday experience that brings us some kind of joy and belonging. It’s going to look different that what your family is doing or what your friends with kids are doing and that’s okay. Keep what works for you and don’t worry about what doesn’t. Pressure is off. Make a holiday season for yourself that you will look forward to.
Casey Watkins has been married to her IT handyman for ten years. Together, they live in an old house on the east side of Indianapolis with their cat, Charlie. In their nine years of infertility, they’ve renovated their house, visited Iceland and baked a lot of cake. You can read more about Casey on her Instagram, chasing_cozy!